Source

1/7/18

Before meditation:

The dark morning and silence

Await the covers and heat inside the room

Await the next step, the unknown surprises

That will come in the search for beauty

In the shifting of worries and cold

Into what is, into moving away

From the dog and from sleep

In letting the yawns be the beginning

Dread is not something anybody needs

Dread is a false belief

A denial of the source

Everything is coming together

Connecting school children with planting

Possibilities of fruit trees on Lesseps

The front yards in the 1200 block

Ask who might want one

And when the little boy says, “Hi, doggie,”

Next time he might be sitting

Beneath a kumquat tree, beneath a pecan

He might see the life rise

He, too, might wake from the cold, might go outside

Might listen for a noise within the silence

For a hold of his own dog

For a thought, for an idea

This future that walks the street

in the early morning bus stop sunrise

filled with ideas

pockets filled with rocks and a throwing arm

like Satchel Paige,

a predictor of rain

a gift for the news station

an announcer of weather, a predictor of success

What was it for Matthew and Jay Daniel

to grow up next to your house

to move wheelbarrows of soil

and what was it like for Javonte, the day he drowned the dog

where is he now? Where is grandma drinking these days?

trust that the universe will carry him along

and he may be forgiven

as you have been forgiven for the cat

for you at fourteen, in the country with a nine iron

pouring beer out, for you felt the puke coming

hiding behind the bushes

you wanted the connection then

you want the connection now

it is here always

it is only the ego of man that twists this and separates.

be happy under any condition

do not let guilt or confusion run you

they are unneccessary

there is only so much time

so you wake alone, holding the dog

you reset the alarm for 5:30

the darkness does not seem

a time to awake though

in Ayurveda this is the very time to start the day

end the day earlier, before nine

rearrange what the body and mind feel:

start the week with an early rising

start the week with new excitement, love and

possibility in every child you see

build new relationships with families

get ideas for what might come:

the children will arrive in your room

have them come on their own

talk to the other teachers and make sure

everybody is on the same page

a to do list this early in the morning

Insight into what must come next

A desire to lie back down

In the darkness, to hold the dog

To feel connected, to be warm

In the cocoon of certainty

In the cocoon of comfort some never leave

And if comfort is the only means

The match of satisfaction will never be realized for

What is known will be what is sought

And the unmet miracles will stay like rocks in the pocket

Of the boy down the street, digging a stick into mud

On a Sunday afternoon

Chickens pecking in the parking lot

Of Church’s Chicken.

This is mass, this is wisdom

This is Jesus complete with a biscuit

This is the word made flesh

This ability to see the beauty in the small things

This old lady sitting

Wrinkled at the bus stop bench

There forever, since she was a little girl

On her way to a station, on her way to presence

The gifts of men that you love: two books

One about setting intentions, come at just the right time

About the connectors and how they work with the Source

How you can work with the source

How you can set intentions:

Fruit trees on the 1200 block of Lesseps

More than just Mr. Bob’s kumquats

A clearing of the space outside the back door

Fires at night to keep warm

To see the lot, to watch

The sunrise from the front porch

To sit and throw leftovers to the chickens

To take what is given from the school

To find a use for the extra food

To push to get rid of Styrofoam

To find the desire for front yard trees to spread

Muscadines and passionflower to every fence

To witness the sidewalk lifted by butterflies, a snake

And an otter and one of those grey-whiskered creatures

Crossing the street at dusk

Coming maybe to eat the eggs of the chick that sits

In the compost bin, in the warmth

You have created with what you do not want growing

Cat’s claw and cayradia burning to the sound

Of witches’ wishes

After meditation:

The thoughts that come of always reaching

For what needs to be done next

Seems imminent in the moment

And the idea of wanting to meditate for hours

When there is a job to show up to

Yet when the days require no obligations

There is not this same sense

This need to sit, facing fears and outcomes

Not knowing certainty

Feeling as if

These are the earmarks of not being connected and present

If instead there is a joy in every moment

One without expectation and judgements

The boy beating his own drum

A wonder outside of the cocoon

The amniotic fluid dripping from a boy

Running along the roof

Born too soon, we humans

And maybe this is a part of thinking the way thinking is

Pushed out with a head that does not match the belly

Underdeveloped, not yet even able to walk

For this came about as a result of standing up

As a result of needing arms at the ready

To throw rocks at beasts and enemies

Conditioned not to let bare feet

Touch cold wooden floors in the morning

Right now sitting and facing whatever comes

Without filter or blanket or worry

A dance of fingers and heart, a release of thought

Connected to the Source, if only in the cadence:

I want to be okay. I want to be okay. I want to be okay.

There is not selfishness in this,

A desire to be connected to all that is

For this is your destiny

Your unfurling and rolling out of flesh

Your entering this world at this moment with these others

You connect to witness the sky

You connect to watch a seed become more

You connect to help others to suck in

The negative and act as filter for positive

Let the thoughts and worries of others not bother you

For you know that theirs, like your own

Do not exist in reality

So be not afraid  to filter these through your flesh

Mix them with the spirit that flows through you and release

Joy and wonder: the image of which you saw while sitting: a godlike source, a light, energy flowing forth from every direction, flowing into you and leaving the negative

In your flesh for this flesh will feed the earth and worms know no negative

worms know only cleaning what has been given, taking this through their bodies

releasing waste that is never wasted and serves only to feed what is growing

in every act is a purpose, and this purpose is not to dwell but to move

to rise up and find what these years are meant for, how these years are meant for

one moment at a time connecting to one breath, connecting to the release of one thought

each thought: 60,000 a day some say could rule your life and hold you down and you

would never let another person have control of you in that manner

so why do you, why do so many, allow their thoughts to beat them like this?

This is a thought that could be considered, not to wallow and dwell, but rather

As an examination to get past that which holds people in bondage

How to release thought other than seeing the beauty, other than finding silence,

Other than loving without judgment, other than moving all of this from mind to heart and creating a highway between the two with lanes and expressways and interchanges where those that you know can travel at any time.

How to come together and be vulnerable and talk about fears

Because these fears are not reality

Holding them inside is what causes them to seem to be real

What is the old saying about exposing something to the light?

Mold only festers in the darkness…that is not it, and you know this

You know that you wake with snot in your nose and stuffed up, and maybe

A victim of a dog that you love, a dog that keeps popping in

A dog that came to save you three years ago

A dog that is your father, and you think about what life will be like when he dies.

Sometimes you wonder whether he would be happier without scratching,

In the sky where they tell little boys that dogs go

In the yard beneath a tree, in the yard where birds plant seeds, in the yard where these might be up rooted and spread where

Oxygen and rain can be assisted by man, by taking a hand and a position in the planting

By working with birds and laughter, by taking each day and each morning

To wake properly with love and to ask god to remove fear, to guide me, to direct my thinking

Especially that it be divorced from dishonest and self seeking motives

To remove self pity, to remove doubt

To especially remove judgement, not only of others, but of myself and of how things should be for in judging others I am really only judging myself.

A desire to swim to get rid of the kinks in my shoulder

To eat less jam

To tell the truth

To walk the path

To know where I am going

To share fruit

To love you

To fit in